cracks in the canvas look like roads that never end
In the middle of Autumn, Halloween to be exact, came a complete tornado of a human being into the world. Born to Barbara and Roger Caulfield, a real estate saleswoman and an engineer for some large scale company in California, the couple embraced their firstborn and straight away it seemed that Kennedi felt a connection most with her father. Quickly she became daddy's little girl, snubbing her mother more often than she probably should have which caused a rift in their relationship. While she grew up, becoming quickly introverted and socially awkward to an almost alarming degree, music and arts seemed to interest her the most in life. Bright colors, music and the familiar sounds comforted her while she began experiencing things she could not understand as a child wouldn't be able to, voices and odd things only she seemed to see. While her parents chalked it up to a child's imagination, they prepared to have another child and would bring in a new member of the family soon after, a little brother who automatically became the center of her universe. From the moment he was born, Edie seemed to always want to take care of him, to hang out with him and even often cried because she didn't want him to grow up and be sad.
As she grew older, becoming a young adult brought on a whole slew of problems her parents weren't expecting. It became fairly evident that something was seriously wrong with their daughter, she secluded herself and refused to speak for years, between the ages of ten to fourteen. This posed alarm in both her mother and father, who decided therapy and doctors might know what caused this behavior. Once she began attending therapy and doctors appointments regularly, only a month in was it diagnosed to her parents that she was suffering from schizophrenia. Being a fourteen year old girl discovering the name and proper terms of what was wrong with you felt bittersweet, she seemed to channel everything into music and artwork. Her paintings became more focused on the things she saw and the words she heard, the music she wrote was therapeutic in a way, quickly becoming the main thing she would focus on. Grades dropped, she only passed by the skin of her teeth and stumbled through graduating, skipping the actual graduation for fear of being teased.
Once Edie graduated from high school, already being on a cocktail of medications all the time, her first band broke up and she took an art scholarship in London. Studying abroad seemed to light up her eyes the moment it was proposed, she begged her parents relentlessly for months until they agreed to allow this for her own personal growth and because she seemed to want it so badly. Continuing on a painting-based scholarship, she also participated in music classes and learned a lot in this period of time between piano to violin, honing in on her self taught guitar lessons in a more professional zone. College seemed to force Edie to come out of her shell a bit, she was prompted by other students and even a professor to be social even if it felt scary, which seemed to help the more comfortable she felt around these people. One person in particular had a significant influence on her life and who she became later on in life, the one she believed to be the love of her life, the one who changed a lot of things about her. After six months, they decided to start dating, continuing through the rest of her years spent in college until the day it was determined she would have to return to California or gain citizenship to England. To be with him, she decided to become an English citizen, moving in with him quickly and getting a part time job working at a little diner in the morning, mostly serving coffee to old people who seemed to hate her automatically but it seemed to be worth it.
Despite how connected Edie felt to him, their relationship had it's own negative sides of course, he often teased her for certain things she did due to her illness, the way she would talk out loud to herself or he would ridicule her for being sick. On top of the mental and emotional abuse, there were times she had to sport a black eye or split lip thanks to a fight they had, which left her feeling vulnerable and afraid for her life. Soon after she wanted to leave, they discovered she was pregnant, instead of leaving she decided to stay with him in hopes the baby would alter his behavior to be a better parent. It didn't, he remained the same and she quickly grew anxious and even more scared, convinced by her younger brother to return home to the family house for the duration of her pregnancy. Doing just that, she convinced her boyfriend to move with her and the couple set off for California before travel became impossible for Edie. While things seemed to be getting better, he quit drinking and stopped abusing her so much, a very strange thing happened that would change their lives forever - a couple weeks before her due date, she went into early labor, unfortunately losing the child as a stillborn. Two weeks later, he packed up one night and left, presumably back home to England.
After the loss of her daughter, now ex-boyfriend and more or less being abandoned in California, she decided to stay because the thought of being on her own in a time like that seemed impossible. While she was a social drug and alcohol user before she became pregnant, quitting up until the moment she was released from the hospital, instantaneously drinking herself to sleep most nights, if she could sleep that is. Edie felt particularly guilty, as if she had some undeniable part in the death of her own child, convincing herself that the world would be better off without her, she attempted to overdose on heroin when she was 25 years old. Convincing herself and everybody around her that it was accidental, she slipped through with a slap on the wrist and a disappointed but still judgemental family pushing her out of the picture. The split between her parents grew, while the only person she could seemingly speak to at all who didn't judge was her younger brother. He always understood, helped comfort her and knew how to handle her better than most ever tried to learn.
While coping with the loss seemed impossible, she dragged the guilt around with her for a long time, becoming a drug addict in some attempt to numb the pain. Realizing that while she was on drugs, she didn't experience the symptoms of her schizophrenia nearly as intensely, it seemed to dull the intense feelings and voices. This became her coping mechanism, she forgot to eat and often didn't drink anything besides alcohol on top of taking drugs whenever she could. These years became a blur, times she would often forget about later, taking up random jobs and getting into trouble in and outside of California, going on road trips, touring for months on end. Life seemed to get away from her, years went by and suddenly she woke up one day asking herself what she was doing, why she was slowly killing herself and torturing her family all the same. Inspired by another particular force of nature and an accidental overdose this time, Edie was given the alternative to sit in jail or attend rehab. With the obvious choice being slapped across her face, she decided to participate in an out-patient rehab program set to move her back into her parents home so she could live in a familiar environment, she would go to the rehab center daily until the allotted time was finished. After this was completed, it seemed that she really did want to change, she didn't want to do drugs and waste whatever part of her life she had left.
Things seemed to calm down briefly, trying to readjust to everything again when she discovered at a regular doctors appointment that she was pregnant again, this time with the person she knew would be her forever love. It was bittersweet, knowing the timing was off and felt bad, it seemed like a little glimmer of light and hope in the darkness, something she could grasp onto more. The fear and worry quickly melted into joy and excitement, the promise of a new child seemed to give her a new sort of life, something to stay sober for if she didn't already have a perfect reason before. Of course, as her age and the fact she'd already lost a child in the past crept up, mere days later she suffered an early miscarriage, losing her second child before even knowing much about it. This blow hit her hard, sometimes she still snaps into a bit of a guilt ridden depression over the loss, for the most part she's more prone to just not talk about it and try her best to move on with life, as best as she possibly can.
Once she seemed to be healing a little better, with no help from her mother, who still refused to make the best out of an attempted relationship with Edie, the idea to move was prompted by her new husband once she returned home from a month long tour. Of course the idea set off in motion a whole slew of excited thoughts, Edie felt like maybe getting away from the state that held so many bad memories for them both could help heal their relationship as well as themselves. Since the move, she's simply been readjusting from suburban living to being in the city, still making music and art all the time, trying her best to heal and make a new life for herself and her husband.
• in her down time she often plays covers of pj harvey songs at local open mic nights.
• when asked as a child "what do you want to be when you grow up?" she would always answer with either homicide detective or criminal psychologist.
• practicing a vegan diet became a big deal to edie sometime in college, she's a picky eater who honestly forgets to feed herself often enough.
• diagnosed as a severe schizophrenic in her pre-teen years, also suffers from a mild anxiety disorder and depression at times. she is medicated for all of her mental health problems, she just forgets her meds some days.
• absolutely obsessed with dodge cars, she owns an all black 2013 challenger r/t and with recent touring money she bought a 2017 challenger rt in white.
• currently owns four dogs: eleven year old nico, nine year old lou, two year old cash and her seven year old psychiatric service dog named sid.
• always had a rather complicated relationship with the law and has been arrested up to ten times back in modesto & palo alto (mostly for drugs/possession charges and/or fighting/drunk and disorderlies that were later dropped).
• cannot stand the hot summer months, being out in direct sunlight or the heat at music festivals. prefers snow, rain and thunderstorms.
• some of her favorite music includes the velvet underground, pj harvey, the cramps, slayer, ministry, deftones, sonic youth, the white stripes, talking heads, queens of the stone age, fugazi, them crooked vultures and tool but she genuinely listens to almost every genre.
• has an angel tattooed on her upper right arm, stars on her left wrist, the date 02.14.2002 on her left hand, a j under her inner right elbow, a tiny heart on her right palm as well as a small matching tooth tattoo on her right arm.
• has a raging oral fixation problem - almost always chewing gum, on her straws, the skin around her fingernails and even sometimes the end of pens.
• self-taught skateboarder since the age of eight years old, rodney mullen is her skateboarding hero and she'll gush about him every chance she gets really. • halloween is easily her favorite holiday, she loves dressing up and doesn't really participate in other holidays unless she's being forced. • anything creepy/gross/paranormal, she lives for shit like that. loves writing ghost stories and reading about true crime. • will randomly (and often) get bad nosebleeds when she's either too stressed or when it's very hot outside. • very rarely will sit down and watch tv or movies, she struggles a lot to follow them and often feels annoying watching anything with others because she's forced to ask millions of questions.
INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better. While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, INFPs have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. Comprising just 4% of the population, the risk of feeling misunderstood is unfortunately high for the INFP personality type – but when they find like-minded people to spend their time with, the harmony they feel will be a fountain of joy and inspiration.
Scorpio woman is the sexiest and most mysterious of the twelve signs of the zodiac. She is exotic and magnetic, as deep as the sea, and, depending on her mood, as calm or as tempestuous. She is extraordinarily intuitive and will be keenly interested in the esoteric, or any occult or spiritual experience that offers some kind of deep insight. She is in tune with the fundamental forces of life and nature and is moved by the great tides and events of human experience.
The Scorpio woman should never be taken lightly. They aren’t flaky, fluffy, or helpless creatures by any stretch of the imagination. Direct, and brilliantly sharp, Scorpio women only focus on the fundamental essence of any issue and disregard the superfluous. They like clear endings and beginnings, with no grey areas in between. A Scorpio woman wants her certainties to remain just so – absolutely rock steady and assured. She wants to understand everything and knows how to craft just the right question to obtain the answers she seeks.
Scorpios are intuitive, controlling, and sometimes self-destructive, but in all this they have a certain deadly beauty to their personalities. They are fearless and stubborn and even when life gets a little tricky they merely take it on the chin and keep going. Self-confident, resourceful, and strong, Scorpios are driven to succeed; they work hard and are willing to sacrifice anything to get to their goals. They are also complex and secretive, choosing who they divulge their secrets to carefully.